


Replacement Costs

by imaginary_golux



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 15:14:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6056320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginary_golux/pseuds/imaginary_golux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A selection of requests for item replacement submitted by General Hux (and Captain Phasma) during the course of the story.</p>
<p>Alternately, the slow eroding of General Hux's professionalism and sanity, which is entirely Kylo Ren's fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Replacement Costs

**Date:** 04/16/0034 Y.F.O  
 **Location:** _FOS Finalizer_  
 **Item requiring replacement:** control panel unit 55-341-8A  
 **Reason for replacement:** destroyed by Lord Kylo Ren  
 **Authorizing officer:** General B. Hux

**Date:** 04/18/0034 Y.F.O  
 **Location:** _FOS Finalizer_  
 **Item requiring replacement:** control panel unit 55-341-8A  
 **Reason for replacement:** destroyed by Lord Kylo Ren  
 **Authorizing officer:** General B. Hux

**Date:** 04/20/0034 Y.F.O  
 **Location:** _FOS Finalizer_  
 **Item requiring replacement:** control panel unit 55-345-8A  
 **Reason for replacement:** destroyed by Kylo Ren  
 **Authorizing officer:** General B. Hux

**Date:** 04/23/0034 Y.F.O  
 **Location:** _FOS Finalizer_  
 **Item requiring replacement:** navigation control unit 68-421-6C  
 **Reason for replacement:** destroyed by Kylo Ren  
 **Authorizing officer:** General B. Hux

**Date:** 04/24/0034 Y.F.O.   
**Location:** _FOS Finalizer_  
 **Item requiring replacement:** wall panel unit 18-200-1A (x14)   
**Reason for replacement:** destroyed by Kylo Ren. _All of them._   
**Authorizing officer:** General B. Hux

**Date:** 04/26/0034 Y.F.O.   
**Location:** _FOS Finalizer_  
 **Item requiring replacement:** TIE fighter (x5); navigation control unit 68-421-6C (x8), fire control unit 14-581-5B (x 12), control panel unit 55-342-8A (x8); wall panel unit 18-200-1A (x18)   
**Reason for replacement:** destroyed by prisoner Poe Dameron and traitor FN-2187 during the course of their escape  
 **Authorizing officer:** General B. Hux

**Date:** 04/26/0034 Y.F.O.   
**Location:** _FOS Finalizer_  
 **Item requiring replacement:** standard-issue bunk; wall panel unit 18-201-0-1C (x6)   
**Reason for replacement:** destroyed by Kylo Ren after the prisoner escaped. Because we really needed more damage done to the ship.   
**Authorizing officer:** General B. Hux

**Date:** 04/30/0034 Y.F.O.   
**Location:** _FOS Finalizer_  
 **Item requiring replacement:** control panel unit 55-341-8A  
 **Reason for replacement:** destroyed by Kylo Ren. He actually held out four days this time. New record.   
**Authorizing officer:** General B. Hux

**Date:** 05/02/0034 Y.F.O.   
**Location:** _FOS Finalizer_  
 **Item requiring replacement:** wall panel unit 18-200-1A (x2)   
**Reason for replacement:** destroyed by Kylo Ren. I should just get a stamp that says this. It would save so much time.   
**Authorizing officer:** General B. Hux

**Date:** 05/03/0034 Y.F.O.   
**Location:** _FOS Finalizer_  
 **Item requiring replacement:** floor panel unit 20-503-9B (x4)   
**Reason for replacement:** destroyed by Captain Phasma after Kylo Ren doubted her ability to benchpress a TIE-fighter wing and she did so, but dropped it. TIE-fighter wing unscathed.   
**Authorizing officer:** General B. Hux

**Date:** 05/03/0034 Y.F.O.   
**Location:** _FOS Finalizer_  
 **Item requiring replacement:** TIE fighter wing unit 63-804-3C; floor panel unit 20-503-9B (x6); wall panel unit 18-200-1A (x4)   
**Reason for replacement:** destroyed by Kylo Ren after Captain Phasma doubted his ability to benchpress a TIE-fighter wing and he failed to do so, then had a temper tantrum.   
**Authorizing officer:** General B. Hux

**Date:** 05/06/0034  
 **Location:** Starkiller Base (location classified level 3)   
**Item requiring replacement:** interrogation unit 80-153-7A; wall panel unit 18-200-1A (x12); floor panel unit 20-500-9A (x4); control panel unit 55-341-8A  
 **Reason for replacement:** destroyed by Kylo Ren after the prisoner escaped the completely escape-proof interrogation unit by unknown methods. Find attached a memo regarding further research into interrogation unit security.   
**Authorizing officer:** General B. Hux

**Date:** 05/06/0034 Y.F.O.   
**Location:** _FOS Finalizer_  
 **Item requiring replacement:** Starkiller Base; TIE fighter (x28); transport freighter (x4); Kylo Ren  
 **Reason for replacement:** base and transport freighters were blown up by rebels while Kylo Ren wasted time killing an old man and failing to kill the traitor FN-2187 _or_ the escaped prisoner; TIE fighters were blown up by attacking rebels; Kylo Ren severely damaged during battle with traitor and escaped prisoner. Find attached a memo requesting reassignment of Kylo Ren and subsequent assignment of any other Knight of Ren, seriously, I don’t care, send me a different one, I will take a _baby_ , it would whine less and cause less destruction.   
**Authorizing officer:** General B. Hux

**Date:** 05/08/0034 Y.F.O.   
**Location:** _FOS Finalizer_  
 **Item requiring replacement:** standard-issue medical bunk; wall panel 18-200-1A (x4); control panel 55-341-2C; med droid model MD-301 (x2)   
**Reason for replacement:** destroyed by Kylo Ren when he woke up in the medical bay, because _Maker forbid_ Kylo Ren actually take the med droids’ advice and stay in bed, oh no, he needs to get up and destroy everything around him, because having failed to prevent the destruction of an entire secret planet-sized base isn’t enough for him, oh no, can’t have a lack of destruction going on, we could actually come in _under budget_ for once and that would be catastrophic  
 **Authorizing officer:** General B. Hux

**Date:** 05/08/0034 Y.F.O.   
**Location:** _FOS Finalizer_  
 **Item requiring replacement:** data pad model 18C  
 **Reason for replacement:** General Hux punched his data pad after entering the last replacement order, destroying the pad, and was subsequently sedated by the medical droids.   
**Authorizing officer:** Captain Phasma, designation AS-1643 (acting commanding officer, _FOS Finalizer_ )

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Replacement Costs](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6702631) by [reena_jenkins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reena_jenkins/pseuds/reena_jenkins)




End file.
